“He is a self-made man & worships his creator.” – John Bright

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” – Winston Churchill

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner

“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” – Ernest Hemingway

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas

“His ears made him look like a taxicab with both doors open.” – Howard Hughes

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” -  Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating

“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr

“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” – Jack E. Leonard

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” – Abraham Lincoln

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx

“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.” – Robert Redford

“They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.” – Thomas Brackett Reed

“He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.” – James Reston

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts – for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder

The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”