Tim The Thief » loss

Bad News & Worse News

Tim — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 14:14:46 +0000

A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news.”

“Oh dear, what’s the bad news?” asks the patient.

The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”

“That’s terrible,” said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”

The doctor replies, “I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.”

35 Years

Tim — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 04:51:53 +0000

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

The Hunting Accident

Tim — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 03:32:28 +0000

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“